I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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