You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
