Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize