Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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