I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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