you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
