Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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