Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
