I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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