Can Purell be used as lube?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
