i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
