I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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