I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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