She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
