it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
