So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
