the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
