I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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