Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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