It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize