My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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