I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
