Little spoons don't ask big questions
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
