I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
