Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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