Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize