nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
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For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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