Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
