Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
