The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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