my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
