My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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