When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
