When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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