he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am one with the molecules
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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