she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
