Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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