She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
