in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
