Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
