we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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