I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
