I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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