My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
