Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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