Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
