Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
