Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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