I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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