you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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