I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
