pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
