Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
