the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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