Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
