I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely