i just google imaged poop.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?