Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?