just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How does one acquire holy water?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
