It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
