And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
