apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
