so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
