We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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