That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
